Being a wedding planner and a mom of two is a juggling act that has required a careful balance, adaptability, and a lot of trial and error. Because I get asked what it’s like a lot, especially from other wedding pros in the industry, I thought I’d share more about my experiences and insights into how I navigate the challenges and joys of balancing entrepreneurship, motherhood, and self-care (although I will be completely honest, I don’t really feel like I have this figured out most days!)
Being a mother and an entrepreneur often means trying to balance two full-time jobs, with way less time, crazy high emotions (am I talking about me, the clients, or the toddler?), and being expected to do it all equally well. I swear I will make a podcast about this one day, because there’s SO much I could say.
Although, I also have to emphasize that often these expectations are often self-inflicted and unfortunately for me, I can be quite hard on myself. However… I do think it is possible to find a way to make it work. Bear with me, as I still feel like I have a lot to process, but here’s what I wanted to share for this season of my life with young kids.
Whether you’re someone who is looking to start your family, or in the thick of it too, I want you to know first and foremost, the anxiety and fear of these very important parts of your life is normal, and you are not alone. But this season is to be embraced, and there are a lot of things to keep in mind. But before we begin, let me share a vulnerable but REAL story with you when I first became a mom!
STORY TIME
ONCE UPON A TIME, when I had gotten back from “maternity leave” and started taking on client calls, I always struggled a bit with figuring out the unpredictability of my son’s routines when he was such a tiny little guy while understanding that I had to still work.
Pre-wedding team, at 5 weeks postpartum I hopped on a call, ready to do my sales pitch. I had perfectly timed out my son’s nap time, got my pump session in, made sure the dog was all set so she wouldn’t terrorize me during the call. As I hopped on my call exactly 2 minutes before it started…
*Cue screaming and tears*
My baby cried the ENTIRE consultation call, to the point I actually had to stop a few minutes in and ask my potential client if I could call her back! UGH! I still remember the dread, and although she was patient, she absolutely did not book me.
Do I blame her?
No.
But did it wake me up?
Absolutely.
I seriously want to give new mom Deanna a big hug because she was doing her best. Here are a few lessons I’ve learned since then:
Lesson #1: I had no business trying to run my business while still so newly postpartum.
Like literally wtf was I thinking? Why didn’t I just reschedule the call? Why didn’t I just schedule the call during a time when my husband could be home to manage my baby? Answer: because I am a people pleaser to the core and for whatever reason thought that I could do it all, you know, be the perfect wife and business owner and pretend as if my entire life hadn’t just changed drastically. *eye roll* That’s all I have to say on this.
Lesson #2: You should never feel bad for being a mom.
When your baby doesn’t have the perfect nap and wakes up and hijacks your entire morning, it is really easy to feel some strong resentment toward your situation and your partner (just me?? lol), who never has to deal with these stresses.
Just remember, your business works FOR you, not you for your business.
Lesson #3: Dedicated, undistracted work hours are a MUST.
The juggling act is real and sometimes your personal life will absolutely take over your business life. But before you continue on, you need to be able to have a real honest conversation with your partner/spouse about having time aside just to take on calls, whether that be evenings, Wednesday mornings, or over the lunch hour, should be something you need to do. OR you need daycare, stat.
Trust me!!! I had to convince my husband that the expense was worth it, but now we have 3 days of daycare a week set aside for me to work, and it has been perfect. We have never looked back.
Lesson #4: It’s okay to want BOTH THINGS: motherhood and a business you love.
Many women struggle to find the time and resources to pursue their dreams of becoming an entrepreneur, while also managing their family. Unfortunately, I do wish it was easier to do both in the day, age, and country we live in (I am in the US) but the reality is – it’s not.
And often times we feel like we have to choose. Here’s how I’ve coped and have even figured out a way to still get quite a lot done while wearing all of the hats. And there are many times where I’ve thought this all would be easier if I just chose to work full-time or stay at home full-time, but the desire to have both is still very real for me. So if you are in the same boat, here are some other thoughts/ways I have been able to cope with the day-to-day.
1. Balancing Routines While Staying Flexible
As someone who thrives on routine, structure, and organization, finding a balance between the demands of being a wedding planner, being the boss and owning a business, while being a mom can be both rewarding and challenging. While routine provides a sense of stability, the unpredictability of motherhood requires flexibility.
By embracing the need for both routine and flexibility, I’ve learned that I absolutely need both to make it through the days, and my clients have to understand that this is a big part of my days.
Most of your clients WILL understand, but it’s YOUR JOB to communicate this to them in advance. It’s so tricky to make sure that your clients feel like your #1 work priority. But in my opinion, you have to juggle this when your kids/family are still your #1 life, all-time priority.
2. It takes a Village. But really.
One of the crucial elements in achieving balance is recognizing the power of help. In my business, having a reliable team and outsourcing certain tasks have allowed me to focus on the most important aspects of my work.
Similarly, seeking assistance in my personal life, such as reliable daycare for my children, has been a game-changer in managing my responsibilities effectively.
Before you start making excuses about how you can’t do this because you don’t have a team, money, or daycare, etc… I want to be honest with you. You need to advocate for yourself. After 5 years of running and establishing a business I was proud of, my husband got a job offer and we uprooted our whole lives, away from all family and friends – essentially our ENTIRE VILLAGE. And had to start all over again.
It took a year for me to finally feel like I had people I could trust to take care of my kids. In the in-between. I struggled a ton, with adding my second son, trying to restart my business in a new market, and having no one around to help. In retrospect, very dumb idea. But it also made me stronger.
And in my dependence and NEED for help, I actually was able to find the people/community I needed to keep the ball rolling! My life is richer as a result.
3. Set yourself up for success
The second time when my second son was born, I had so much more support, systems, etc. set up. I was actually able to take a 3-month maternity leave and know and trust that my business or my clients wouldn’t fall apart. My clients were SO incredible and amazing, and I am so grateful that my experience after baby 2 was so different than baby 1!
Had I not allowed myself rest or boundaries, I would have been burnt out beyond what I could ever imagine. Like, as a mama you’re already up to your eyeballs in tasks, let’s relieve this a little bit and don’t UNDERESTIMATE the power of break. Sustainable pacing! Just because it takes longer to achieve something does not discount all that you do day in and day out!
Efficiency, systems, and more margin is the biggest secret to my success.
4. Evaluate your workload and make tough choices
Entrepreneurship is demanding on its own, but when you add children into the mix, finding balance becomes even more critical. It’s important to acknowledge that something’s got to give.
Whether it means reducing your workload, adjusting your prices to cover childcare expenses, seeking additional help, or exploring passive income streams, there are various options to consider. It’s okay to do less for a season and be content with it, knowing that your family and children come first.
When I made my move, I went from doing 25 weddings the year prior to a whopping 8. I had to turn down weddings, multiple styled shoot collaboration requests, hand off weddings to my team, and just trust that everything would work out. Turns out – it did. And we had an even better year financially, and my team and I have more even, healthy, and sustainable workloads.
In the past, I always had such a hard time letting go and delegating, but I’d end up with way too many weddings while each of my lead planners had 3-5 each in a season. I learned that my employees really wanted to have more responsibility, and I was even able to hire one of my team members on a consistent part-time and give my other employees more responsibilities to help alleviate a lot of the burden off my plate.
I know that team management isn’t for everyone, but you can always outsource something else too by hiring a VA, accountant, social media manager, or by truly drawing boundaries to not take on more than you can handle, so you can show up well for the clients you do have.
5. Embracing Change and Prioritizing What Matters
It’s essential to be gracious with yourself and embrace the journey, knowing that the seasons of life bring different priorities. Finding a balance between work and family requires constant reassessment and realignment. Let the unwavering love for your children be a reminder of what truly matters.
In a conversation I had with a fellow mama wedding planner, she told me that as a wedding planner, my job will evolve and change over time, but my children will always be the most important in my life. Show up accordingly.
GUT. CHECK.
When clients wedding days have so much at stake and there are so many moving parts, and you honestly put so much time into your business so you have a hard time letting go of the hustle, just remember: your family comes first.
And if this is a hard thing to prioritize for you, take it as a sign to make some changes. As a mama, I know that you love your children more than anything.
As a planner, don’t allow other people’s preparation for their marriages take over the need to cultivate your own.
You cannot compromise the things that matter most – for your family, your marriage, and for yourself. Weddings and business will always come and go, but these things are constant. Hold that in your heart, give yourself tremendous grace, because you know that you’re doing your absolute best, and remember that this season isn’t forever. One day we’ll miss it. At least that’s what this young kid mama is holding onto to get through ;).
Balancing the roles of a wedding planner and a mom is undoubtedly challenging, but it is also incredibly rewarding. By prioritizing self-care, seeking help when needed, and embracing the ever-changing nature of our roles, we can navigate the beautiful chaos of motherhood and entrepreneurship.
And as I write this, I want to encourage you – it does get better. Maybe not easier, but you will be much more accustomed to balancing it more, and if there’s anything you can absolutely do, it’s this.
All the love,
Deanna
